A Mortal Ray of Sunshine
by jakeline
Summary: One shot Edward's conflicted thoughts in New Moon.


**A Mortal Ray of Sunshine**

A _New Moon_-story

By: jakeline

_**Summary:**__ [Oneshot] A little drabble about Edward in New Moon._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own anything. I wouldn't mind owning Edward though…

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I knew I had been weak when I left her. I have regretted it so many times since. But I really saw no other way. I was a danger to her and her human life. If she was to die, I don't know how I would go on living. I have walked this earth for so long, but it was not until I met her that my life found its meaning.

It had been so easy to make her believe I didn't want her anymore. It's one of her biggest flaws, she thinks so little of herself. She has never truly accepted that I love her for who she is. The look of hurt and anxiety on her beautiful face broke my non-beating heart, and almost made me change my mind. She begged and begged, but I went away.

We removed ourselves from Forks. None of the Cullens's remained. Being a vampire means not ageing, and we cannot stay at the same place for long without rising suspicion. But I had Alice check in on Bella from time to time, with her special talent of being psychic. However, she was not the one who told me about her vision. It was Rosalie.

Rose has never really approved of Bella. Perhaps it is because of her envy of Bella's mortality or that Bella had found it so easy to fit in with us, even wanting to be one of us. It might even be from jealousy since she had been the one meant for me once. Unfortunately I have never cared for her in any other way than that of a most beloved sibling.

Since I was not close to Alice I could not read her mind and knew nothing of the vision until Rose told me. I thought I would crumble and die right on the spot. Although not having to breathe, the wind was knocked right out of me, my still heart, aching. Even if I was not now with Bella, the knowledge of her being alive in the world had kept me going. To be sure I rang Charlie to check if this was actually right. The voice that answered said he was at the funeral and I knew. I knew there was only one thing to do. The Volturi would decide for me. All I wanted was to die. For good this time. I couldn't bear the idea of me being "alive" when she was not. Without her I am incomplete.

The Volturi is kind of the royalty of our kind. They are ancient brothers who like to surround themselves with an army of especially talented vampires. They do not approve of our, the Cullens's that is, way of living. We like to call ourselves vegetarians. We don't feed off humans, but just animals.

So to Italy I went. I begged the Volturi to end my misery. To let me join Bella in death. But they would not. I guess Aro found me too much of an asset, too valuable a talent to let go to waste. Even if Aro's own talent doesn't differ so much from mine, he found mine extraordinary. I don't have to be in contact with the person I want to listen to, though Aro when taking hold of somebody's hand instantly knows every thought that has gone through that person's brain. So, naturally, he knew what I would do if I got rejected, but still he did reject my humble request.

When they turned my humble request for death down, there was no other choice for me but to show myself to the world, knowing that it was punishable by death. That is the only rule we all have to abide. That no human may knew that we exist. At noon I would step out onto the piazza in the middle of the celebration in all my glory and let the masses gaze upon my sparkling body. Nobody was to hinder me.

My body has long been my prison. It was not until I met Bella I truly felt whole again, as if she was the second half of me that made me complete. So much time has passed since Carlisle turned me.

My Bella… As I stood in the shadows, prepared to welcome the warm sun on my body, I missed her more than ever. I could simply not go on without her. I had no longer any desire to walk among the living.

The clock struck noon and I stepped out into the sun. I dropped the cloak and turned my face toward the sun, letting it flow over me. Then she was with me. I knew the Volturi would act fast, but not that fast. I relished the thought of being reunited with Bella again. I let my nostrils fill with her sweet seductive smell. Let my body welcome her warm embrace.

"Edward, don't!" she exclaimed and tried to force me into the shadows again.

"You move fast," I mumbled to the sky and smiled.

"Edward, look at me," my Bella demanded and I readily complied and stared down into her dark eyes.

"Carlisle was right. This is heaven." My voice was but a whisper.

"No, I'm here. I'm alive!"

"You're not real." I smiled.

"Alice was wrong! I'm not dead!" Her words were spoken almost angrily and urgently. Was this true, was she really here? I could hardly believe it. As woken from a deep sleep I began to realize that she was actually there, alive, in my arms.

"Bella?"

"Please, step back, I'm alive, I'm..." I silenced her with a kiss. Joy filled me, a sudden feeling delirious happiness. She was not dead. _I_ was not dead.

"You're here."

"I'm here."

My heart slowly mended itself and I was whole again. I was complete.

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_Author's note: Well, this is my first Twilight Fanfic. If this gets great reviews I might be persuaded to write more... Please be gentle. _


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